Shattered : my child doesn’t like me that much

shat·tered
ˈSHadərd/
adjective
  1. broken into many pieces.
    • (of something abstract) damaged or destroyed.
      “a pale illusion of their shattered dreams”
    • BRITISH informal
      exhausted.
      “I usually feel too shattered to do more than crawl into bed”

I feel heartbroken, emotionnally drained, psychologically shattered. It’s really hard to have a child choose to live away.

What is wrong with us? Are we too strict? Not enough? Do we talk to much ? Are too loud? Too demanding ? Too emotional? Do we move too much? Play too much? Do we share too much and laugh too much? Do we push too much ? Do we ask to much of her? Communication is a big thing here. 
She arrived here Friday night, and told us late Tuesday night that she wanted to leave already… Oh and we were waiting to know if she was moving back here 🙂 Thank to her mother-in-law who had the kindness to tell us that my beautiful daughter was going to stay with them until she graduated. She didn’t want to tell us herself…
I can’t think straight, I can’t even sleep, I’m only thinking about : what’s wrong? I’ve been thinking about so many things trying to place pieces together, pieces of me.  Meditation. I need to meditate. To keep my heart open. Breathe. I need more air.
 
I have to face another difficulty, choose if I should bring her with us to Mexico in Nov…after everything that happened this past July in the Dominican, I’ve reconsidered our choices. She doesn’t want to spend time with US.  She was supposed to tell me why I should give her one last chance to travel with me, I gave her this homework to do during her stay. My daughter tell me what will be different this time?  What will you change? 
Radio silence.
If my mother would have told me “it’s your last chance, tell me why we should bring you to Mexico with us” I would have made a list of reasons! I guess we are different. She said that she is too shy to talk and to express herself…come on ! Sometimes I feel like she acting this way to punish herself. Like if she wants to have a reason not to be happy. She has friend here, but she never talk to them, never call, never reach. She isolates herself.
So tonight, with a crazy headache, my liver and gallbladder not helping in any way, I will probably cry some more, have a glass of wine and hug my two little ones and tell them how much I love them, and how much I do love their big sister.
Mom ♥
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